Hello again readers, I'm finding myself a bit bored on this fine Sunday evening so I thought I would write a blog post. Figured what better time, eh? I've got a bit of writer's block, so this post may be more scatterbrained than usual, but we'll just have to see how things flow. This weekend I got to spend some time with a friend of mine that has been intermittently visible in the grand scheme of things. It's nice to see people that enjoy your company, and honestly I'm more happy I got to spend some time with him and the housemates than going to a crowded event I was thinking about going to this weekend. 

I've been finding that I'm turning into something of a recluse, and not quite sure why. It's mildly aggravating, for sure. I need to fix that. Kind of on the subject of going out, I tried exercising for about a week, and noticed I was hemorraging pounds (lost like 10 pounds in a week). Not terribly healthy. So I've gone back to my normal eating routine, and not exercising as much. I found if I started counting calories, it seemed like I was starving all the time, which by the end of the week meant I had no energy to do anything except sleep. I'll have to try exercising more first, then cutting calories later, I think. I'm still hovering around the 190 mark, which is something of an improvement, at least. 

In roommate news, two of my roomies are moving out (in August), and my Boyfriend moves in. It'll be the first time I've lived with a boyfriend for the first time in over 3 years I believe. I've grown accustomed to having my own room, but honestly, I'm ready to have someone to share any common interests with be in the same room with me regularly. It'll also be neat to have a change of scenery from the room I've been living in for a little over 2 years now. The boyfriend and I have been kinda incommunicado while he's been getting things sorted out here, but we're both very much looking forward to being together finally. The roomies are looking forward to him as well. 

I've been giving some people I stopped talking to/been holding grudges against some 2nd (or 3rd or 4th) chances to create SOME sort of conversation, but it looks as though we stopped talking because we literally must not have had anything in common. Though given, nowadays I don't have a whole lot to talk about. I kinda enjoy just... watching people lately (at least if I'm in a group). Their mannerisms, their laughs, gaining insight into their ways of thinking, it's all very intriguing. Some people have called it creepy, but I like to think of my watching people as admiring them. Not creeping on them or anything. As I grow older, I've noticed it seems to be increasingly easy to be creepy, which is not something I've ever wanted to do, nor do I ever. I just try to be good people and good entertainment, and a good friend.

Work's going rather well still, I was mentioned in a meeting with some of the supervisors recently (apparently). I am doing a rather good job with training colleagues, and doing the work I do. It's a nice feeling to get that silly little 'pat on the back' for doing a good job. I'll likely be salaried by the end of the year with the way things are looking, but I suppose that's what pre-occupies my thoughts nowadays really, is just... work. I don't have much else until my pup comes out, and I find it hard to just relax at the end of the day. I imagine that'll change when my pup comes out.

One of the other things I'm looking forward to (it's kind of work-related, which is sad), is getting a network set up that is optimal for everyone in it. Doing monitoring to make sure everything's running smoothly. I... think I still have a little bit of network administrator in me, and my boyfriend seems to feed that side of me as well. I enjoy it. It makes me feel, well, not so stupid when it comes to computers. And while most of you may think I'm not stupid when it comes to computers, I... may not be. But I feel out of date for sure. 

Anyway, I think that's enough of a brain splurge for now. If you want to see me write about something else, let me know, but in the meantime, I'm off. Good night, and good luck.

Hello everyone, thank you for visiting and once again tuning in to another post of mine, where I write about what is going on in my life. I appreciate the visits and reads, and hope this blog gives you a bit of insight into my life, who I am, and hope to allow you into my world more and more as time goes on. Once again, using OmmWriter to write this post, which is awesome for helping concentration. Now, on to the meat, as it were.

I'll go ahead and start my writing about the newest addition to my life. My boyfriend. A.K.A. Nova (The GShep Momdog), he's been a friend of mine or someone I can look up to for a number of months now, and even though we are far apart, we are still seeing each other (in person!) once a month or so. We are being all sorts of silly and affectionate when we talk as well. I'm slowly coming around to admitting to myself that I have a heart that can still function romantically. I love you Nova. 

On the topic of love, I'm... still so scared to admit to myself that there is a heart deep down inside. I've tried to bury it so much, under all this dirt that's been piled on top of it, the comments, the stupid reasons people broke up with me. In reality, I need to take some of my mom's advice and realize most of these breakups weren't my damn fault, it was the other person's. As Ryan taught me, or tried to show me, I'm a diamond... a blue diamond. I take that as a diamond in the rough. Something to be treasured. As to why no one until now (relationship wise, not friendship wise, just to spell that out) realizes that I'm worth half a damn, is beyond me. 

What a weird journey love is. It completely destroys you at times, other times makes you feel like you've got the biggest adrenaline rush in the world, and other times, it just hurts. Because no matter how much you want to try to say it doesn't exist or "relationships aren't for me", you fall for someone. Whether it be months, years or even longer after before that comes true, it will happen. The ability to love is both a wonderful thing and a awful thing all at once. I've... been wanting someone to share my life with, and I think I've found that person. Thank you, Nova.

On another note, work's been going well, passing some tests, "moving on up" as they say. Finally, a job where I can feel like I'm making some progress and helping others all at the same time. Helping everyone as a whole. It's a good feeling. I'm glad to be where I am, and it's nice to see new faces with the same spunk and energy I have, wanting to learn. Wanting to absorb all the information they can. I've been living and breathing internet particles since I was about 10 or so, so this is all coming on pretty easy for me. 

As for the rest of my life, things are going pretty well. Allergies have been acting up a lot this past week, but as far as I understand from my doctor, this year is more severe than past years have been for that. Not looking forward to summer, but I never do. Sunny and cold would be the perfect weather all year long for me. I miss the nice brisk mornings. Getting to wake up, relax, take a deep breath, perhaps a walk. Enjoy the morning, for the beauty it holds. I still find sunrises to be the more beautiful of the two options for the day star's visibility. 

Now that I've got my allergies a bit more under control, I'm going to try to go out a bit more and either do some more modeling or photo shoots as the photographer. I've been leaving a few things out of my life too much during these last few months, and I need to jump back in. Headfirst. Photography, bondage, practicing drawing, singing, and just being generally happy. Also, within the next 2 years, I plan to concentrate a bit more on my health, so far I'm already drinking more water, which has been a step I haven't been able to take for years. 

Short of that, I need to get to a gym and work out, even if it's just by myself, I'm nearing the 200 mark now, and don't feel like going above it. If I do hit that mark, I absolutely have to do something to stay under it or work to get more fit. Fitness is the hardest thing for anyone to do, but in the long run, it pays off, you age better, and feel better as well. It's also nice to have something to show for it. The nice thing is, I've been under significantly less stress since I've moved to the job I'm at. I'm not breaking out (acne) as much, and things just feel more... calm.

In closing, I'd like to bring up something that happened just today actually, that felt rather nice. A friend needed help. I'd been there before. So... many times, really. You can't always plan for the worst to keep happening to you. Even if you do, the worst just keeps coming sometimes. So, I lent a helping paw, and he'll return the favor when he can. Someone to be appreciative of something I do for them, is ... a blessing, almost. It's such a good feeling. A warm feeling inside, that you only can get from genuinely helping someone. The best part is, he'll know that feeling too. He'll get to do it one day, and know what I'm talking about. 

Well, everyone, this was I suppose a short post, but that's... the way it is. Good night, and good luck.

Hello everyone, I know it’s been a very long time since I have actually written a blog post, but hopefully today will make up for that. Of course the only time I can manage to do it is if I have not much else to do, so I am writing this post on Caltrain as I head up to San Francisco. A lot has happened since the last time I wrote a blog post. I’ve started 2 jobs, had some rather good luck in my life, with its ups and downs. Between my photography, and trying to delve headfirst into work, I’ve had little to no time to really keep up with any of my friends locally. I do apologize for that. I don’t suppose it’s not for lack of trying though. But on to the things that have been keeping me pre-occupied over the past 6+ months.

First on my mind is work. I now work just a short commute from home, with better hours and better scheduling in general. 2010 wasn’t terribly kind to me, but it does appear 2011 and on will be working out better for me. I’m terribly thankful for that. In other work related details, I’ve tried to turn my hobby of photography into something worth more than just a hobby, but that seems to have failed for the most part. And you know what? I’m quite ok with that. With my brief experience of having a gig, it doesn’t seem that’s for me. I’m enjoying the models I get to do TFCD or TFP work with much more. And with no partner in crime to work with, I can do what I want when I want. In terms of my job, I’m still doing technical work. And I get to learn in my new job, which has been something I’ve aimed towards for a number of years.

As for myself, I feel I’ve certainly changed in the past year. My last job did manage to allow me to be ok with not having almost anyone in my life. I’ve burned a number of bridges in 2010, and that mostly has to do with no longer having patience for the type of people who have no respect for my time or courtesy. I may be too… how would one put it, outspoken or even bitchy, but I’d say that’s a result of being burned one too many times. Deep down inside, I’m still the same happy fluffy person most of you know, but I’ve grown a hard outer shell that’s much harder to get through. This is not to say that those of you I have seen or communicated with in the past I hate or anything like that. I do thoroughly enjoy the company I have and want to share the both the good times and the bad with each and every one of my friends.

Speaking of friends, in terms of love life, I’m still alone. That’s ok, it’s tiring, but it’s ok. Had some possibilities, but all of which have been long distance. This is not saying I don’t want to do that again, but I just don’t know if deep down inside if I’m ready to try that expense again yet. I think 2011 might be a year where I do more of what I started doing in 2010 where I explored the dreams and whatnot I have. Whether it be to get more fit (We’ll see how well that works out) or to actually explore singing to the extent I’ve wanted to all my life. I’ve found the more I get to explore these things, the less I have to be envious of other people for. I get to be in those people’s shoes and realize it may or may not be for me. This is not to say I ever want to be full of myself. I never wanted that as a kid, and certainly don’t now. If I do seem like I boast sometimes, please let me know. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

At this point, I’d like to apologize if I’ve been too “all over the place” in this post, but this is more of a free write than a structured, paragraph by paragraph, well written essay. At this point, I’d like to thank a certain friend of mine, Syke who pointed out something to me in one of our recent talks. I’d mentioned my frustrations in life recently, and he pointed out that everything is going well for me right now. I would have to agree. Literally the only thing missing is what used to be a lot of friends to hang out with, and a love life. Work is great, my hobbies that I do get around to are great, and I get a big kick out of accomplishing more in both of those things. Home life is good, with my roommates being my saviors from me going absolutely nuts. My health right now doesn’t seem the best, but I’m working to fix that as well.

Between being sick for basically the month of December, and now having some weird sort of heartburn thing going on, it’s been what feels like too long since I’ve felt “normal” with regards to my health. I’ve taken care of my acne, which has been a major dissatisfaction with myself for years. I’ve gotten a new piercing (Thank those of you that voted). I’ve thought about other permanent changes to my appearance, but a tattoo is going to require some more thought and time before that happens. I can’t really think of anything else regarding my health to talk about, I suppose.

I’d also like to thank my friend Denali for saying one of the kindest things to me that has quite possibly ever been said to me, and my friend Bill for being there for me on those days when I’ve been absolutely sour (Def: When I shouldn’t be talking to people). It’s kind of funny, when I wanted to take my photography a little more seriously, I started setting up a home office. It’s definitely gone way past that now, but I think now I kind of want to work on making it feel more attractive in terms of eye-catching. Lots of photos of my friends or models on the wall, but one of my goals I suppose is to cover all of my walls with pictures of my friends. If you’d like to help me with that, please let me know. I’d absolutely love to achieve that goal quicker. Next station stop: San Carlos.

I miss taking the train, it was always nice to know I was going somewhere fun, somewhere out of the house. Today I’m off to what I hear should be a fun time doing modeling for seriousmalebondage.com. Another reason I’m glad I’m not just a photographer. I do enjoy modeling an awful lot, and it’s nice to feel like I’m still attractive, even as I start to approach my 30’s. I need to make yet another list (Yes, another, for those of you who have seen my room lately) that lists some of these goals I’m trying to set for myself. It helps me keep myself in check and remind myself of things I might have otherwise forgotten. I should also aim to try to write a blog post a month at least. I do enjoy this writing thing, and heck who knows, maybe it’d be fun to write a book one day. It seems I have absolutely no issue when it comes to writing a lot, but that may also be because I have a lot to say. At 26, I feel like I’ve experienced so much. That’s one lifestyle I’ve grown accustomed to for certain. The lifestyle of “enjoy life as much as possible and explore as many new things so that I can’t die saying I’ve never tried anything”. It’s a fun ride for sure, kind of like some of my rides on the train (he says with a smirk).

Looks like it’s time for another carriage return. This post is at 1,300 words and counting, which seems like a nice place to stop. It’s funny, at this point; I reminisce of when I would read over my older writing and realize that my writing style hasn’t changed much. At least not when free writing. Hillsdale now, close to one of my previous homes. Oh Belmont, you pit stain of a town. Well, with the end of this post, I leave you the reader with this question: What would you like to see me write about next? I might split up the posts with part opinion article, and part what’s going on with my life. Until next time everyone. Good night, and good luck.

That is all.

You can play Bejewled Twist for 3 hours and not worry about incoming work.

So I go on my merry way to work today, thinking, hey I don't really feel like going to work, but I will anyway, because it's what you do, and I time it so I wait my usual 5 mins. or so before the train comes. Conductor goes: "Only got room for 3 more bikes, already past capacity." Counts 3 bikes, and doesn't let the first biker that was there at the station on. I look at the schedule... Eh, no biggie, next train comes in 6 minutes or so. So I wait for that, of course it's a little late. Train pulls in, conductor won't let ANY bikes on. I'm like: "So it apparently is just not possible to get to work today." Me and the other biker on the platform are wondering: "Is it worth it to go in today?" He leaves, I call in shortly after and head home. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you know gas prices have gone too high. (Too many people filling up multiple trains with bikes)

OMG, I have a new job! No more shitty fuckin' EA. I hated them with all my heart. If I ever go back there, it'll be too soon. It's funny how they'll take anyone off the street, and give them shit for benefits and pay no matter how well the person does. Whatever. Doing HelpDesk Support now, what I like. For the geek heaven too. Ask me if you really wanna know who I work for now. ^.^ Anyhoo, just thought I'd randomly update and let everyone know how I'm doing! (Which is MUCH better!) Got over my cold and laryngitis and everything! OMG!

What the fuck do I do? You know those PAGES of questions you answer in an application to a retail store? I got one of those wrong. ANY ONE of those questions, ladies and gentlemen... DISQUALIFIES YOU from getting a stable job in which you get RECOGNIZED for the work you've done... a job in which you EARN TIME OFF.... I'd give anything for that. I've applied at places... not one has given me a job yet. Mind you the list is kinda small... but what do I do? Give up? Or just keep chugging along in this god damned lottery of jobs? Getting a job isn't based on fucking skills. Give me a break. It's all luck. When I wake up tomorrow, I have a choice. Do I apply at the 20 places on my list Fang made for me 2 months ago? Or just give up and accept that I'm not suited for retail? Maybe I'll just take my ear piercings out. There's nothing cool or neat looking about them. I like them a lot, but maybe it's affecting my ability to get a job. At this rate, everyone will be working before me. Almost everyone already is.

Does anybody know anything themselves or know someone that knows about... running a small business? Please get ahold of me if so... >.>

I got the job at EA! I start Monday. Hope I do well enough to stay on. *bounces a bit in place then goes boinging around outside* Go figure, mom asks her million questions, and gets frustrated because she doesn't understand some of the answers and doesn't get an answer out of me about the others.... whatever. Fuck her.