Once again, I'm overdue for a hello. But here I am, writing another post for all of you to enjoy and me to look back on. I hope all of you are doing well, or at least mildly so. I'll be covering a few things in this post, and mostly this is going to be recapping what I've been up to since my last post, and possibly some other thoughts I've had on my mind since then. Things again, are going fairly well, work's been up and down, but that's kind of par for the course. The excitement wasn't going to last forever. Or perhaps the excitement in another part of my life has been so much so that everything else just seems... black and white. Let me elaborate.

About a year ago, I met a guy. An abnormal guy I thought, since we met under unusual circumstances, but the word about how nice of a guy I am spreads far, apparently. He knew about me through a mutual friend of ours. I wasn't in the best circumstances, and needed some help getting back on my feet while... I got back on my feet. He assisted, and we continued talking since then. Little did I know, my life was going to change. It's been a change in a very, very good way. That guy's name is Aaron, and I couldn't be happier I ever met him. Now, for those of you single people reading this, I know what it feels like, I've been there. I've been there for many years. In fact, my pup came along when I least expected it. Like everyone said the guy would.

After Connor, I thought I would never love again. He tore apart my insides, and threw them into a blender. I just wasn't the same person since then, reaching out for attention, love, affection, emotion... I have very few people I'd really consider good friends anymore, but my roommates Scott and Dennis were there for me. I sort of feel bad sometimes, because I lay all of my griefs and problems on them somedays. Through all my breakups, they've seen all my breakdowns. The heartwrenching moments you may have experienced when you see one of your dearest friends crying their eyes out because they feel like they've reached the end of their rope? Yeah.

Scott and Dennis, thank you. Just for being there. The hugs when tears were strolling down my face like niagara, when I needed someone to talk to badly, when I needed a person. Just... company. Thank you. Continuing with my story: My pup just sort of appeared out of nowhere, and I suppose if he hadn't been persistent enough, I may not have ever opened my heart to the idea of being with him. I'm realizing now, that would've been a huge mistake. Aaron, thank you. For being the one person who's... accepted every part of me. For caring for me, for loving me, for being that person I've been looking for, for so long. I love you.

Since my last post, we've been spending a weekend or so a month together, which has been a blast. Whether it be a trip to a amusement park or just laying in bed for half the day, I enjoy him. We enjoy each other. We'll be moving in together by the end of the year, which may seem like a little fast, but I've never been so sure I'll get along with someone in my life before, and neither has he. I've wanted to settle down for a long time now. It's about time. This is a feeling I haven't had in quite a long time. I'm opening up again, and it's been a rollercoaster of emotions, from happy to hurting in 0 seconds. Happy I have him in my life, and hurting when I have to see him go. 

In the car the other day when we were having our last morning together for a month, a Pet Shop Boys album was on. "Home and Dry" was one of the songs that started playing. I listened to the chorus, and later on realized how appropriate it was for our relationship (minus the transatlantic miles portion, but the rest is pretty appropriate). We've got a few songs for each other, but I was happy to find another one that generated a few tears of thoughtfulness when listening to. On to other good things that have been happening: I've quit smoking, and caffiene/soda. 3 weeks for soda, and just over a week for smoking. Both were hard, but I think in the long run, it'll be worth it. 

Somedays I don't feel like I'm out of the woods for smoking still (It has only been about a week so far), but mostly it was just a idle time killer. Which, last I looked at one of my tracker apps, it's been 10.5 hours I've found other things to do in. My overall health feels a little better, but we've had a heatwave recently, so going out and exercising hasn't quite been on the top of my list (So I can push myself physically). I've gotten back into being kinky, and sold my camera. I'll work on getting a replacement (Cannon DSLR) soon enough, but for now there's no rush as I haven't had anything to shoot, or been in the mood to shoot for some months anyway. Photography is just a hobby at this point, not going to make a business out of it, perhaps ever again. I'm patient.

I do still enjoy being the model though. That's still fun. I had a shoot this past weekend, and it was nice not having someone tell me to constantly suck in my gut. It's nice to have people accept you for who you are. If you're going to shoot a model, take in the awesome identity of that person. Don't chastise them as if you're their doctor, or fitness coach. Who cares what they do? If you don't like how that model looks, don't agree to shoot them. I don't do that with my models, and never will. I've been talking to some of my more long distance friends more, which is nice, and I'm glad I get to catch up with them every so often and keep in touch. Yes, I mean you, Ryan and Riley.

Being a goofball at the end of my day is a great way to relax, and have fun. Any of my friends that allows me to do that, I thank you for. It makes life easier, and well, just more fun. For now, I think I am going to sign off, as I can't think of much else to write about. I hope you all enjoyed this, and I'll be back soon enough with another post. Good night, and good luck.

Hello everyone, thank you for visiting and once again tuning in to another post of mine, where I write about what is going on in my life. I appreciate the visits and reads, and hope this blog gives you a bit of insight into my life, who I am, and hope to allow you into my world more and more as time goes on. Once again, using OmmWriter to write this post, which is awesome for helping concentration. Now, on to the meat, as it were.

I'll go ahead and start my writing about the newest addition to my life. My boyfriend. A.K.A. Nova (The GShep Momdog), he's been a friend of mine or someone I can look up to for a number of months now, and even though we are far apart, we are still seeing each other (in person!) once a month or so. We are being all sorts of silly and affectionate when we talk as well. I'm slowly coming around to admitting to myself that I have a heart that can still function romantically. I love you Nova. 

On the topic of love, I'm... still so scared to admit to myself that there is a heart deep down inside. I've tried to bury it so much, under all this dirt that's been piled on top of it, the comments, the stupid reasons people broke up with me. In reality, I need to take some of my mom's advice and realize most of these breakups weren't my damn fault, it was the other person's. As Ryan taught me, or tried to show me, I'm a diamond... a blue diamond. I take that as a diamond in the rough. Something to be treasured. As to why no one until now (relationship wise, not friendship wise, just to spell that out) realizes that I'm worth half a damn, is beyond me. 

What a weird journey love is. It completely destroys you at times, other times makes you feel like you've got the biggest adrenaline rush in the world, and other times, it just hurts. Because no matter how much you want to try to say it doesn't exist or "relationships aren't for me", you fall for someone. Whether it be months, years or even longer after before that comes true, it will happen. The ability to love is both a wonderful thing and a awful thing all at once. I've... been wanting someone to share my life with, and I think I've found that person. Thank you, Nova.

On another note, work's been going well, passing some tests, "moving on up" as they say. Finally, a job where I can feel like I'm making some progress and helping others all at the same time. Helping everyone as a whole. It's a good feeling. I'm glad to be where I am, and it's nice to see new faces with the same spunk and energy I have, wanting to learn. Wanting to absorb all the information they can. I've been living and breathing internet particles since I was about 10 or so, so this is all coming on pretty easy for me. 

As for the rest of my life, things are going pretty well. Allergies have been acting up a lot this past week, but as far as I understand from my doctor, this year is more severe than past years have been for that. Not looking forward to summer, but I never do. Sunny and cold would be the perfect weather all year long for me. I miss the nice brisk mornings. Getting to wake up, relax, take a deep breath, perhaps a walk. Enjoy the morning, for the beauty it holds. I still find sunrises to be the more beautiful of the two options for the day star's visibility. 

Now that I've got my allergies a bit more under control, I'm going to try to go out a bit more and either do some more modeling or photo shoots as the photographer. I've been leaving a few things out of my life too much during these last few months, and I need to jump back in. Headfirst. Photography, bondage, practicing drawing, singing, and just being generally happy. Also, within the next 2 years, I plan to concentrate a bit more on my health, so far I'm already drinking more water, which has been a step I haven't been able to take for years. 

Short of that, I need to get to a gym and work out, even if it's just by myself, I'm nearing the 200 mark now, and don't feel like going above it. If I do hit that mark, I absolutely have to do something to stay under it or work to get more fit. Fitness is the hardest thing for anyone to do, but in the long run, it pays off, you age better, and feel better as well. It's also nice to have something to show for it. The nice thing is, I've been under significantly less stress since I've moved to the job I'm at. I'm not breaking out (acne) as much, and things just feel more... calm.

In closing, I'd like to bring up something that happened just today actually, that felt rather nice. A friend needed help. I'd been there before. So... many times, really. You can't always plan for the worst to keep happening to you. Even if you do, the worst just keeps coming sometimes. So, I lent a helping paw, and he'll return the favor when he can. Someone to be appreciative of something I do for them, is ... a blessing, almost. It's such a good feeling. A warm feeling inside, that you only can get from genuinely helping someone. The best part is, he'll know that feeling too. He'll get to do it one day, and know what I'm talking about. 

Well, everyone, this was I suppose a short post, but that's... the way it is. Good night, and good luck.