Hello again readers, I'm finding myself a bit bored on this fine Sunday evening so I thought I would write a blog post. Figured what better time, eh? I've got a bit of writer's block, so this post may be more scatterbrained than usual, but we'll just have to see how things flow. This weekend I got to spend some time with a friend of mine that has been intermittently visible in the grand scheme of things. It's nice to see people that enjoy your company, and honestly I'm more happy I got to spend some time with him and the housemates than going to a crowded event I was thinking about going to this weekend. 

I've been finding that I'm turning into something of a recluse, and not quite sure why. It's mildly aggravating, for sure. I need to fix that. Kind of on the subject of going out, I tried exercising for about a week, and noticed I was hemorraging pounds (lost like 10 pounds in a week). Not terribly healthy. So I've gone back to my normal eating routine, and not exercising as much. I found if I started counting calories, it seemed like I was starving all the time, which by the end of the week meant I had no energy to do anything except sleep. I'll have to try exercising more first, then cutting calories later, I think. I'm still hovering around the 190 mark, which is something of an improvement, at least. 

In roommate news, two of my roomies are moving out (in August), and my Boyfriend moves in. It'll be the first time I've lived with a boyfriend for the first time in over 3 years I believe. I've grown accustomed to having my own room, but honestly, I'm ready to have someone to share any common interests with be in the same room with me regularly. It'll also be neat to have a change of scenery from the room I've been living in for a little over 2 years now. The boyfriend and I have been kinda incommunicado while he's been getting things sorted out here, but we're both very much looking forward to being together finally. The roomies are looking forward to him as well. 

I've been giving some people I stopped talking to/been holding grudges against some 2nd (or 3rd or 4th) chances to create SOME sort of conversation, but it looks as though we stopped talking because we literally must not have had anything in common. Though given, nowadays I don't have a whole lot to talk about. I kinda enjoy just... watching people lately (at least if I'm in a group). Their mannerisms, their laughs, gaining insight into their ways of thinking, it's all very intriguing. Some people have called it creepy, but I like to think of my watching people as admiring them. Not creeping on them or anything. As I grow older, I've noticed it seems to be increasingly easy to be creepy, which is not something I've ever wanted to do, nor do I ever. I just try to be good people and good entertainment, and a good friend.

Work's going rather well still, I was mentioned in a meeting with some of the supervisors recently (apparently). I am doing a rather good job with training colleagues, and doing the work I do. It's a nice feeling to get that silly little 'pat on the back' for doing a good job. I'll likely be salaried by the end of the year with the way things are looking, but I suppose that's what pre-occupies my thoughts nowadays really, is just... work. I don't have much else until my pup comes out, and I find it hard to just relax at the end of the day. I imagine that'll change when my pup comes out.

One of the other things I'm looking forward to (it's kind of work-related, which is sad), is getting a network set up that is optimal for everyone in it. Doing monitoring to make sure everything's running smoothly. I... think I still have a little bit of network administrator in me, and my boyfriend seems to feed that side of me as well. I enjoy it. It makes me feel, well, not so stupid when it comes to computers. And while most of you may think I'm not stupid when it comes to computers, I... may not be. But I feel out of date for sure. 

Anyway, I think that's enough of a brain splurge for now. If you want to see me write about something else, let me know, but in the meantime, I'm off. Good night, and good luck.

Once again, I'm overdue for a hello. But here I am, writing another post for all of you to enjoy and me to look back on. I hope all of you are doing well, or at least mildly so. I'll be covering a few things in this post, and mostly this is going to be recapping what I've been up to since my last post, and possibly some other thoughts I've had on my mind since then. Things again, are going fairly well, work's been up and down, but that's kind of par for the course. The excitement wasn't going to last forever. Or perhaps the excitement in another part of my life has been so much so that everything else just seems... black and white. Let me elaborate.

About a year ago, I met a guy. An abnormal guy I thought, since we met under unusual circumstances, but the word about how nice of a guy I am spreads far, apparently. He knew about me through a mutual friend of ours. I wasn't in the best circumstances, and needed some help getting back on my feet while... I got back on my feet. He assisted, and we continued talking since then. Little did I know, my life was going to change. It's been a change in a very, very good way. That guy's name is Aaron, and I couldn't be happier I ever met him. Now, for those of you single people reading this, I know what it feels like, I've been there. I've been there for many years. In fact, my pup came along when I least expected it. Like everyone said the guy would.

After Connor, I thought I would never love again. He tore apart my insides, and threw them into a blender. I just wasn't the same person since then, reaching out for attention, love, affection, emotion... I have very few people I'd really consider good friends anymore, but my roommates Scott and Dennis were there for me. I sort of feel bad sometimes, because I lay all of my griefs and problems on them somedays. Through all my breakups, they've seen all my breakdowns. The heartwrenching moments you may have experienced when you see one of your dearest friends crying their eyes out because they feel like they've reached the end of their rope? Yeah.

Scott and Dennis, thank you. Just for being there. The hugs when tears were strolling down my face like niagara, when I needed someone to talk to badly, when I needed a person. Just... company. Thank you. Continuing with my story: My pup just sort of appeared out of nowhere, and I suppose if he hadn't been persistent enough, I may not have ever opened my heart to the idea of being with him. I'm realizing now, that would've been a huge mistake. Aaron, thank you. For being the one person who's... accepted every part of me. For caring for me, for loving me, for being that person I've been looking for, for so long. I love you.

Since my last post, we've been spending a weekend or so a month together, which has been a blast. Whether it be a trip to a amusement park or just laying in bed for half the day, I enjoy him. We enjoy each other. We'll be moving in together by the end of the year, which may seem like a little fast, but I've never been so sure I'll get along with someone in my life before, and neither has he. I've wanted to settle down for a long time now. It's about time. This is a feeling I haven't had in quite a long time. I'm opening up again, and it's been a rollercoaster of emotions, from happy to hurting in 0 seconds. Happy I have him in my life, and hurting when I have to see him go. 

In the car the other day when we were having our last morning together for a month, a Pet Shop Boys album was on. "Home and Dry" was one of the songs that started playing. I listened to the chorus, and later on realized how appropriate it was for our relationship (minus the transatlantic miles portion, but the rest is pretty appropriate). We've got a few songs for each other, but I was happy to find another one that generated a few tears of thoughtfulness when listening to. On to other good things that have been happening: I've quit smoking, and caffiene/soda. 3 weeks for soda, and just over a week for smoking. Both were hard, but I think in the long run, it'll be worth it. 

Somedays I don't feel like I'm out of the woods for smoking still (It has only been about a week so far), but mostly it was just a idle time killer. Which, last I looked at one of my tracker apps, it's been 10.5 hours I've found other things to do in. My overall health feels a little better, but we've had a heatwave recently, so going out and exercising hasn't quite been on the top of my list (So I can push myself physically). I've gotten back into being kinky, and sold my camera. I'll work on getting a replacement (Cannon DSLR) soon enough, but for now there's no rush as I haven't had anything to shoot, or been in the mood to shoot for some months anyway. Photography is just a hobby at this point, not going to make a business out of it, perhaps ever again. I'm patient.

I do still enjoy being the model though. That's still fun. I had a shoot this past weekend, and it was nice not having someone tell me to constantly suck in my gut. It's nice to have people accept you for who you are. If you're going to shoot a model, take in the awesome identity of that person. Don't chastise them as if you're their doctor, or fitness coach. Who cares what they do? If you don't like how that model looks, don't agree to shoot them. I don't do that with my models, and never will. I've been talking to some of my more long distance friends more, which is nice, and I'm glad I get to catch up with them every so often and keep in touch. Yes, I mean you, Ryan and Riley.

Being a goofball at the end of my day is a great way to relax, and have fun. Any of my friends that allows me to do that, I thank you for. It makes life easier, and well, just more fun. For now, I think I am going to sign off, as I can't think of much else to write about. I hope you all enjoyed this, and I'll be back soon enough with another post. Good night, and good luck.

Hello everyone, I know it’s been a very long time since I have actually written a blog post, but hopefully today will make up for that. Of course the only time I can manage to do it is if I have not much else to do, so I am writing this post on Caltrain as I head up to San Francisco. A lot has happened since the last time I wrote a blog post. I’ve started 2 jobs, had some rather good luck in my life, with its ups and downs. Between my photography, and trying to delve headfirst into work, I’ve had little to no time to really keep up with any of my friends locally. I do apologize for that. I don’t suppose it’s not for lack of trying though. But on to the things that have been keeping me pre-occupied over the past 6+ months.

First on my mind is work. I now work just a short commute from home, with better hours and better scheduling in general. 2010 wasn’t terribly kind to me, but it does appear 2011 and on will be working out better for me. I’m terribly thankful for that. In other work related details, I’ve tried to turn my hobby of photography into something worth more than just a hobby, but that seems to have failed for the most part. And you know what? I’m quite ok with that. With my brief experience of having a gig, it doesn’t seem that’s for me. I’m enjoying the models I get to do TFCD or TFP work with much more. And with no partner in crime to work with, I can do what I want when I want. In terms of my job, I’m still doing technical work. And I get to learn in my new job, which has been something I’ve aimed towards for a number of years.

As for myself, I feel I’ve certainly changed in the past year. My last job did manage to allow me to be ok with not having almost anyone in my life. I’ve burned a number of bridges in 2010, and that mostly has to do with no longer having patience for the type of people who have no respect for my time or courtesy. I may be too… how would one put it, outspoken or even bitchy, but I’d say that’s a result of being burned one too many times. Deep down inside, I’m still the same happy fluffy person most of you know, but I’ve grown a hard outer shell that’s much harder to get through. This is not to say that those of you I have seen or communicated with in the past I hate or anything like that. I do thoroughly enjoy the company I have and want to share the both the good times and the bad with each and every one of my friends.

Speaking of friends, in terms of love life, I’m still alone. That’s ok, it’s tiring, but it’s ok. Had some possibilities, but all of which have been long distance. This is not saying I don’t want to do that again, but I just don’t know if deep down inside if I’m ready to try that expense again yet. I think 2011 might be a year where I do more of what I started doing in 2010 where I explored the dreams and whatnot I have. Whether it be to get more fit (We’ll see how well that works out) or to actually explore singing to the extent I’ve wanted to all my life. I’ve found the more I get to explore these things, the less I have to be envious of other people for. I get to be in those people’s shoes and realize it may or may not be for me. This is not to say I ever want to be full of myself. I never wanted that as a kid, and certainly don’t now. If I do seem like I boast sometimes, please let me know. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

At this point, I’d like to apologize if I’ve been too “all over the place” in this post, but this is more of a free write than a structured, paragraph by paragraph, well written essay. At this point, I’d like to thank a certain friend of mine, Syke who pointed out something to me in one of our recent talks. I’d mentioned my frustrations in life recently, and he pointed out that everything is going well for me right now. I would have to agree. Literally the only thing missing is what used to be a lot of friends to hang out with, and a love life. Work is great, my hobbies that I do get around to are great, and I get a big kick out of accomplishing more in both of those things. Home life is good, with my roommates being my saviors from me going absolutely nuts. My health right now doesn’t seem the best, but I’m working to fix that as well.

Between being sick for basically the month of December, and now having some weird sort of heartburn thing going on, it’s been what feels like too long since I’ve felt “normal” with regards to my health. I’ve taken care of my acne, which has been a major dissatisfaction with myself for years. I’ve gotten a new piercing (Thank those of you that voted). I’ve thought about other permanent changes to my appearance, but a tattoo is going to require some more thought and time before that happens. I can’t really think of anything else regarding my health to talk about, I suppose.

I’d also like to thank my friend Denali for saying one of the kindest things to me that has quite possibly ever been said to me, and my friend Bill for being there for me on those days when I’ve been absolutely sour (Def: When I shouldn’t be talking to people). It’s kind of funny, when I wanted to take my photography a little more seriously, I started setting up a home office. It’s definitely gone way past that now, but I think now I kind of want to work on making it feel more attractive in terms of eye-catching. Lots of photos of my friends or models on the wall, but one of my goals I suppose is to cover all of my walls with pictures of my friends. If you’d like to help me with that, please let me know. I’d absolutely love to achieve that goal quicker. Next station stop: San Carlos.

I miss taking the train, it was always nice to know I was going somewhere fun, somewhere out of the house. Today I’m off to what I hear should be a fun time doing modeling for seriousmalebondage.com. Another reason I’m glad I’m not just a photographer. I do enjoy modeling an awful lot, and it’s nice to feel like I’m still attractive, even as I start to approach my 30’s. I need to make yet another list (Yes, another, for those of you who have seen my room lately) that lists some of these goals I’m trying to set for myself. It helps me keep myself in check and remind myself of things I might have otherwise forgotten. I should also aim to try to write a blog post a month at least. I do enjoy this writing thing, and heck who knows, maybe it’d be fun to write a book one day. It seems I have absolutely no issue when it comes to writing a lot, but that may also be because I have a lot to say. At 26, I feel like I’ve experienced so much. That’s one lifestyle I’ve grown accustomed to for certain. The lifestyle of “enjoy life as much as possible and explore as many new things so that I can’t die saying I’ve never tried anything”. It’s a fun ride for sure, kind of like some of my rides on the train (he says with a smirk).

Looks like it’s time for another carriage return. This post is at 1,300 words and counting, which seems like a nice place to stop. It’s funny, at this point; I reminisce of when I would read over my older writing and realize that my writing style hasn’t changed much. At least not when free writing. Hillsdale now, close to one of my previous homes. Oh Belmont, you pit stain of a town. Well, with the end of this post, I leave you the reader with this question: What would you like to see me write about next? I might split up the posts with part opinion article, and part what’s going on with my life. Until next time everyone. Good night, and good luck.