My collect-it-all blog

So, piercings, right?

So, I've been inspired by TheHumanAvatar http://www.thehumanavatar.com/ to get something pierced once I get the money. I will post video and photos, etc. But now... it's time for you to make a decision. Lip or brow? Vote now! http://www.rawrf.net/poll.php

 

I also forgot how to LJ cut. Frack off.

So I decided to write a rather long journal entry today, as I figure it's one of the few times I will have to do so before I start my new job, woot! I start on Tuesday, and the position will be for a Customer Service Representative (Tier 2). The soundtrack to this post fyi, is The Outfield - "Your Love" on repeat. I've been getting hooked on songs a lot lately, all sappy n shit I know, but that's how I am. Thank you Connor for opening up that side of me again. I'm rather happy to be employed again after a looooong period of time. Topics I'll be covering in this post include:

• What I've been doing in the year and a half I've been unemployed (will likely be long in and of itself)
• Coverage of my love life and romantic thoughts
• My thoughts on the gulf oil spill and eco-centric items
• Finally, people I appreciate in my life (You know I have to put this in there)

So to start: What have I been doing with my life for the past year and a half? Well, I've gone on a few trips, to Southern California, to Bakersfield, Vegas, experienced more in bondage and love and kinks/interests than I ever have. It's a rather nice thing to have had some time off to sort of step back and re-organize what I want to do in my life. My trip to Southern California to see my unca Ryan was fantastic, got to see my friend Charlie, Winter, and meet a new friend (who albeit I don't talk to too often), Phil. Thank you for letting me stay with you, all! And I hope to see all of you again soon. Vegas was well, a disaster, glad I didn't bother putting forth a whole lot of effort to get out there and back. Bakersfield was a recent trip I did for a photo shoot, and those pictures aren't posted quite just yet on the photographer's site. However, if you'd like to see them, just let me know. I've been doing a lot of photo shoots as well in this time. More as a model than as a photographer, which honestly is fine. I've had a lot of fun doing it. 

Doing shoots as a model, I realized photographers liked seeing me with a bit of makeup (eyeliner or foundation). Then I thought to myself, huh! I've been curious about doing feminine things (crossdressing, mainly) for a very long time! Why haven't I acted on this? Soooo, after I realized I can pull off looking like a rather hot woman, I decided why not, let's go for it! So I did. So now I have new material to do shoots with, which honestly has almost been more fun than just being a kinky guy. I've also found a number of photographers don't know what they want to add to their portfolio, so as I mentioned on twitter/facebook lately, I did my last shoot actually just yesterday as a model, mostly because of the photographers not knowing what they want to add to their portfolio reason. When I have some more ideas for pictures, I'll search out a photographer and shoot with them again. At this point, it's kind of giggleworthy to think that I make a large amount of my friends look almost vanilla.

Part of this whole time I've gotten to re-assess what I'm here on earth for. And I figure, while I'm here, might as well have a lot of fun! So exploring new kinks, interests, being more open to eating new foods, has been part of it. I'm still into bondage just as much as ever, still the same old Feles (or Matt) you all know. But I've enjoyed making yet another "character" for my feminine self. So now I have Feles, Matt, and Veronica. I thank each and every one of my friends for being so wonderful and open to each and every idea I have, and the varying levels of comfort is always interesting to see as well. Thank some of you for the tips you've given me too! But a main part of the reason I am here as well is I realized to pass on any and all knowledge I have of anything I have. Ari, you've given me the title of "Captain Internet", and I do think I'm rather knowledgeable in the things I do/am interested in, but it's not ALL internet-centric. 

On to my love life. I don't want to be too terribly descriptive, seeing as everyone doesn't need to know everything, but I've had two relationships in this past year and a half, and both were long distance, mostly as I saw something in those people I've never seen or had in common with anyone locally previous to even now. Ryan, I love you still, and we'll be the best of friends forever. I know we will have many many more hilarious moments to come. I still want to do the "Popular" idea with me in drag. Ryan and I ended on a good note, obviously, and I'm terribly thankful for that. Next up was the love of my life, Connor. Connor, I've never fallen for anyone so hard as I did for you, and I'm thankful I still get to have you in my life. After a struggle with a 2,000 mile separation, sadly, the distance won. But perhaps sometime in the future, there won't be such a distance to fight. No one can tell the future, and heck, in the meantime, we can still be wonderfully sappy (and kinky!) friends. I was in a relationship with each for about 3 months, but now I get to be the wonderful person at least one of these lovers fell in love with way back when. 

Romantic thoughts: As with everything else, I've found that I've learned a lot about love in almost 2 years. It's not something you screw with, and all barriers can be jumped or worked through. I know that may sound like I'm contradicting myself, given I'm single again. But, I assure you that in those months I was with a lover, that I realized communication really is key, in any kind of friendship or even relationship. I've found that by being more honest and open with people (not just Ryan and Connor) that I end up hurting all parties less and also feel a heck of a lot better about myself. People tend to appreciate honesty, and if they're mature enough, like you even more for it, regardless of what the truth was. I've realized I still enjoy being as much of a hopeless romantic as I was years and years ago. I don't think I'll ever completely turn off that side of me again, no matter how bitter I become.

My thoughts on the oil spill and thoughts about our earth and it's ecosystem, etc. The oil spill is an awful thing, I'm surprised it's managed to last this long. I AM happy to see that there's companies out there helping to support the relief of it. Threadless is one of the companies that has caught my attention... they are still selling as of this post, a shirt called PeliCAN, in which all of the proceeds from sales of the shirt go to the Gulf Relief Network. Go! Go buy now! Oh fine, you want a link. Here you go, ya lazy bum: http://www.threadless.com/product/2346/peliCAN As for the environmental thoughts, I think we could all certainly deal with moving to solar now, don't you think? It may be expensive now, but it certainly pays for itself in time, and in the end is a LOT cheaper than using up the limited fossil fuels our earth has now. In essence, we're running on empty, and have been for a long time.

In closing, I would like to thank all of the friends who have been with me during this period of time, and the new ones I've made! My biggest thank yous of course go to Ryan and Connor, followed by (in no particular order) Kyle, Riley, James, Ari, Steinbeck, Kel, Darkrage, Denali, Adrian, Vlad, Bill, Frank, Doryuu, Tsukaza, Cameron, Sandie, Chris P., Icefoxx, Damienfox, Mikey E., Mr. Flipperhuskyfluffybutt, Jess H., my mom, Winterpaws, Charlie, Al, Clint, Brandon, Mango, Mr. Benton, Michael B., Mishta Fang, Uck, and many many more. Thank you all for being a part of my life, and I will see you all again (or meet you for the first time) soon. I promise. Oh shit... it's the cops! I better get outta here. Cheese it!

Computer Tech? Or Computer Monkey?

So... I came across this posting today:
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/pen/cpg/1734386656.html
Which if you click the link reads, simply:

"Part-time contract work available for a Computer Technician to install USB memory in servers. Must be available to work late afternoon-early evening. Must be able to pass a criminal background check. Please email your resume."

So, I thought what the heck... and asked a few of my friends what the heck this post might be about. Here, in no particular order, are their responses:
1. *insert usb device* Done!
2. Seems a little odd, doesn't it?
3. I'm not quite sure..what..that job...is supposed to be..or do
4. Huh... that's odd.....

So I figured, if me and a few techie friends can't figure out what the heck it is, maybe the people who posted might know! So, sure enough, I emailed them with this:

"So, I came across your posting for a Computer Tech, and just had to ask:
What is USB Memory? As far as I know, you're talking about hard drive space... though USB drives aren't technically hard drives, they aren't quite memory either. So please let me know what in tarnation you are talking about.

Thanks,
Management"

Guess we'll see if they respond with anything fun. ^.^

Want pictures of you? $5!

Hey all, just thought I would post here as well as the usual spots... I can't manage to sell my photography. I recently posted a ad on Fiverr
(http://www.fiverr.com/users/felesaerius/gigs/shoot-at-least-25-great-pictures-of-you)

Seeing if anyone would respond. No one has seriously responded to it. To attract the furries... I'm sure there are fursuiters out there who would love some great shots of them in suit... or of their suits. Here, take a look at the shots I took of Arf in a local park!
http://www.rawrf.net/photos/arfshoot/

Please let me know if you are interested. For $5, this is a steal!

So hilarious, I had to blog it.

Conversation with stupid guy I'd talked to before (Don't ask me how):

(10:30:45 AM) totalpigdom: whats ur age?
(10:31:20 AM) Feles: 1. Told you before.
2. I'm on recon, look me up.
(10:31:55 AM) totalpigdom: 3. fuck off deleted!
(10:32:12 AM) Feles: Oh darn! Whatever shall I do! Another dumb dom deleted me off his buddy list.... I'm so sad.

Thought you all (At least my kinky friends or people who understand how stupid "doms" or "masters" can be) would appreciate this tidbit of laughter.

Ok, so I have to ask.

Coming from a site I was perusing through last night, I have this question to all of you: Do you stand when you wipe? So you know where it came from: http://isitnormal.com/story/wiping-26527/ I'm rather curious to find out what "the norm" is amongst my friends.

Who knew rubber could be so much fun?

I just had a wonderful fun filled evening with some new items I got from Mr. S., and now everything is washed and hanging to dry. I basically have a full rubber outfit now! Well, could use some gloves, but otherwise I'm covered! Mr. @theGRgeek got to witness my new items in use, I'll create a video soon enough. There's nothing quite as fun as exploring things and understanding yourself better, wearing yourself out all the way. Well, just thought I'd share. :-)

I used to write so often.

Well, I just got done going down memory lane in my old old livejournal: http://geekville.livejournal.com (WARNING: EMO OVERLOAD). I warned you. At least I wrote more often in my journal. I don't know why I don't anymore, I suppose just because I don't want everyone knowing how I feel? And prefer to let people get to know me one on one. As well as even though I'm on livejournal, facebook, twitter, my blog, flickr, youtube, vimeo, ustream, etc. that I still don't have a huge amount of people who actually READ what I say as opposed to IM or in person. Which isn't really to be expected. I also realize I miss a lot of my old friends I used to talk to. Dustin from Montana, Drew from the east bay, AJ from the east bay as well, Tim Corbett from god knows where (now), Chad from the east bay, Doc from the east bay-gone-WA... but people move on physically and mentally. I had photo pals, people who would just hang out for fun, people to just hang out with. Even though I live with 5 of my friends right now, some of them the closest friends I could consider having, I still enjoy the company of people who just like to go out window shopping or taking photos, exploring places, getting my mind off life or even just sharing life experiences.

Overall, I'm glad I've had the experiences I've had. I've learned from them, and will never make those same mistakes again. I have a little furry family now, it's rather nice feeling loved even when you don't have a boyfriend in your life. Because god knows, that's failed every time in the past 3 years. Anfang my ex boyfriend, I miss you terribly, and wish we would talk more... like friends do. Syke, I missed being your master, your friend, and someone to explore the kinky side of life with. Phyre, yes, you... you taught me what not to deal with in life. Don't mistake me addressing you in this entry for someone I want to talk to. As I said, you taught me what not to deal with. You introduced me to some of the worst things in my lifetime, and made me feel bad in front of all my friends. To think we'd ever get back together is a joke. Adrian Lamo, one of the first guys I ever dated... you're still a goofy boy. We should hang out again. Sam, well, you've obviously moved on from me, we can hold a casual conversation, but I feel I've grown too old to be in the company you enjoy.

Now, however, I have a little furry family. It's cute, and I enjoy it. It's nice to be wherever I am and give them a shout by txt, phone call, or twitter to let them know I love them. My uncle (unca), Ryan or Kuper, and my little brother (brudder) Riley or Beau. They're the people I never had for those titles. When I was a kid, all I had was half brothers and sister. Those of you who don't understand the relationship, I don't expect you to. Hell, even I don't understand it fully. I never had a dad or grandparents or anything like that. Kyle, my hypnotist/therapist-gone-friend, we should talk again, sorry for the distance that's been created. Cameron, when you left California, my heart dropped a bit, as I knew I would miss you terribly. And each time I see your face on Skype, I kind of feel like we're hanging out again. We don't talk enough. The next time you come back, you're letting me know, and we're hanging out. Clint, you're one of my longest friends aside from Cameron, and I never want to lose touch with you, and kind of feel as if I struggle to find things to talk about with you. Not your fault or mine, our lives have just changed, and mine doesn't really have much to talk about from day to day as it used to. I could make a million more shoutouts to the people that are near and dear to my heart. If you're not listed here, for god's sake don't be offended. If you've known me for any length of time, you should know I don't mean to offend anyone I care about. As for now, my life as it is now is not too bad considering I've been unemployed for 1 year, 2 months, and 3 days (Reason I can keep track of that is I was laid off new year's day, 2009).

I've been unemployed before (mind you never for this long), but I'll make it through this just like I have every other time. The economy's supposedly picking up, giving me a bit more hope, yet I'm still not getting any responses or callbacks or actual jobs from the interviews for the past 4 months. It's weird, as much as I like photography, I really only have 1 photography friend, and even then, I don't think he shares the same interest in shooting anything and everything under the sun. At this point, I've been a HTML Editor/Designer, Contracts Administrator, Customer Service Representative, and Helpdesk Engineer (Tech Support Rep, basically). Not really a wide range of things, but a decent skillset I should be able to find a new job with. I miss the jobs I've had, as everyone always loved me there, and yeah, I'm just one of those people who works to stay afloat, and buy things I want. My goals are not career oriented, no. I suppose that's a fault of mine in some people's eyes, but you know what? In order to achieve my ultimate life goal (which I've said before, and I'll say it again: To not die alone or unloved), a career isn't really a part of it. Yeah, it helps to get it achieved, but I can figure out other ways to be remembered or loved.

My friends I've met through special interests or explore my special interests with: Ari, you're rawr-tastic. I love you and every bit of you, I enjoy our long talks that go into the evening, and whenever I'm around you, how much you show you care deep down inside for me. I've had some of the best kinky experiences I've had with you. Steinbeck, fantastical lizard. Thank you for being there for me. You're an awesome friend, and you too also have one of the biggest hearts I've seen. I can see it. You've shown part of it to me, and thank you. Jimmy, my long distance friend in Omaha, I love you to itty bitty bits as well. You should know I've had the biggest crush on you for years, and it seems you have some of the same issues I do. We both need to learn to actually listen to people better when it comes to making us feel better. Thank you for coming out that one year a few years ago, and I look very much forward to when we get to see each other again. Thank you all. Without you, I would also not be who I am today.

I know this seems like a long emotional journal entry, but perhaps that's because it's meant to be. I want each and every one of you I've mentioned in this journal entry (and many more of you who I like to call my friends) that I love and care for each of you very much. And know I'd go through hell and back to do what I can for you. Whether you need just an ear, or need something. Never be afraid to call me, or need me for something. Because everyone does sometimes need that. There's no way you can go through life all hunky dory without needing someone you can talk to. I know I've called on some of you for all of this, and I expect to return the favor some day. Well, I think that just about ends this journal entry, hopefully I'll be a bit better about writing, since I've been told I do write well, which is interesting. But perhaps that's just because I always did well in English class, and never got to free write. But off I go. See you next time.

Here's all my pictures from #fc2010

Enjoy! If you want full versions, let me know: http://picasaweb.google.com/felestiggy/FurtherConfusion2010#

What white tiger to look for at #FC2010

Here's what to look for if you're looking for this white tiger at FC 2010. :-) In the flesh, anyway. #FC2010