Well, I just got done going down memory lane in my old old livejournal: http://geekville.livejournal.com (WARNING: EMO OVERLOAD). I warned you. At least I wrote more often in my journal. I don’t know why I don’t anymore, I suppose just because I don’t want everyone knowing how I feel? And prefer to let people get to know me one on one. As well as even though I’m on livejournal, facebook, twitter, my blog, flickr, youtube, vimeo, ustream, etc. that I still don’t have a huge amount of people who actually READ what I say as opposed to IM or in person. Which isn’t really to be expected. I also realize I miss a lot of my old friends I used to talk to. Dustin from Montana, Drew from the east bay, AJ from the east bay as well, Tim Corbett from god knows where (now), Chad from the east bay, Doc from the east bay-gone-WA… but people move on physically and mentally. I had photo pals, people who would just hang out for fun, people to just hang out with. Even though I live with 5 of my friends right now, some of them the closest friends I could consider having, I still enjoy the company of people who just like to go out window shopping or taking photos, exploring places, getting my mind off life or even just sharing life experiences.Overall, I’m glad I’ve had the experiences I’ve had. I’ve learned from them, and will never make those same mistakes again. I have a little furry family now, it’s rather nice feeling loved even when you don’t have a boyfriend in your life. Because god knows, that’s failed every time in the past 3 years. Anfang my ex boyfriend, I miss you terribly, and wish we would talk more… like friends do. Syke, I missed being your master, your friend, and someone to explore the kinky side of life with. Phyre, yes, you… you taught me what not to deal with in life. Don’t mistake me addressing you in this entry for someone I want to talk to. As I said, you taught me what not to deal with. You introduced me to some of the worst things in my lifetime, and made me feel bad in front of all my friends. To think we’d ever get back together is a joke. Adrian Lamo, one of the first guys I ever dated… you’re still a goofy boy. We should hang out again. Sam, well, you’ve obviously moved on from me, we can hold a casual conversation, but I feel I’ve grown too old to be in the company you enjoy.

Now, however, I have a little furry family. It’s cute, and I enjoy it. It’s nice to be wherever I am and give them a shout by txt, phone call, or twitter to let them know I love them. My uncle (unca), Ryan or Kuper, and my little brother (brudder) Riley or Beau. They’re the people I never had for those titles. When I was a kid, all I had was half brothers and sister. Those of you who don’t understand the relationship, I don’t expect you to. Hell, even I don’t understand it fully. I never had a dad or grandparents or anything like that. Kyle, my hypnotist/therapist-gone-friend, we should talk again, sorry for the distance that’s been created. Cameron, when you left California, my heart dropped a bit, as I knew I would miss you terribly. And each time I see your face on Skype, I kind of feel like we’re hanging out again. We don’t talk enough. The next time you come back, you’re letting me know, and we’re hanging out. Clint, you’re one of my longest friends aside from Cameron, and I never want to lose touch with you, and kind of feel as if I struggle to find things to talk about with you. Not your fault or mine, our lives have just changed, and mine doesn’t really have much to talk about from day to day as it used to. I could make a million more shoutouts to the people that are near and dear to my heart. If you’re not listed here, for god’s sake don’t be offended. If you’ve known me for any length of time, you should know I don’t mean to offend anyone I care about. As for now, my life as it is now is not too bad considering I’ve been unemployed for 1 year, 2 months, and 3 days (Reason I can keep track of that is I was laid off new year’s day, 2009).

I’ve been unemployed before (mind you never for this long), but I’ll make it through this just like I have every other time. The economy’s supposedly picking up, giving me a bit more hope, yet I’m still not getting any responses or callbacks or actual jobs from the interviews for the past 4 months. It’s weird, as much as I like photography, I really only have 1 photography friend, and even then, I don’t think he shares the same interest in shooting anything and everything under the sun. At this point, I’ve been a HTML Editor/Designer, Contracts Administrator, Customer Service Representative, and Helpdesk Engineer (Tech Support Rep, basically). Not really a wide range of things, but a decent skillset I should be able to find a new job with. I miss the jobs I’ve had, as everyone always loved me there, and yeah, I’m just one of those people who works to stay afloat, and buy things I want. My goals are not career oriented, no. I suppose that’s a fault of mine in some people’s eyes, but you know what? In order to achieve my ultimate life goal (which I’ve said before, and I’ll say it again: To not die alone or unloved), a career isn’t really a part of it. Yeah, it helps to get it achieved, but I can figure out other ways to be remembered or loved.

My friends I’ve met through special interests or explore my special interests with: Ari, you’re rawr-tastic. I love you and every bit of you, I enjoy our long talks that go into the evening, and whenever I’m around you, how much you show you care deep down inside for me. I’ve had some of the best kinky experiences I’ve had with you. Steinbeck, fantastical lizard. Thank you for being there for me. You’re an awesome friend, and you too also have one of the biggest hearts I’ve seen. I can see it. You’ve shown part of it to me, and thank you. Jimmy, my long distance friend in Omaha, I love you to itty bitty bits as well. You should know I’ve had the biggest crush on you for years, and it seems you have some of the same issues I do. We both need to learn to actually listen to people better when it comes to making us feel better. Thank you for coming out that one year a few years ago, and I look very much forward to when we get to see each other again. Thank you all. Without you, I would also not be who I am today.

I know this seems like a long emotional journal entry, but perhaps that’s because it’s meant to be. I want each and every one of you I’ve mentioned in this journal entry (and many more of you who I like to call my friends) that I love and care for each of you very much. And know I’d go through hell and back to do what I can for you. Whether you need just an ear, or need something. Never be afraid to call me, or need me for something. Because everyone does sometimes need that. There’s no way you can go through life all hunky dory without needing someone you can talk to. I know I’ve called on some of you for all of this, and I expect to return the favor some day. Well, I think that just about ends this journal entry, hopefully I’ll be a bit better about writing, since I’ve been told I do write well, which is interesting. But perhaps that’s just because I always did well in English class, and never got to free write. But off I go. See you next time.

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